Learning to Struggle (and Run)

A break from the norm. Not light-hearted stories or updates, just what is on my heart.

I have always said (or rather told myself) that I don't run. That I can't run. I'm just not a runner. I've tried to run and I made it about 10 minutes before I thought I was going to die. For most of my life that was fine. Join a gym, watch trashy tv, drown out my thoughts with music and do the elliptical, problem solved...no running.

But then I had kids. And then I quit my full-time job to be with my kids. There goes the budget for the gym. Now what?

I tried Wii Fit, some videos, some little exercise routines, but nothing stuck. Or rather I didn't stick with anything.

Then Dan applied for the FBI and started training. Running a little over a mile 3 days a week and daily sit-ups and push-ups. He loses over a pant size in a few months.

ugh.

Honestly the bulk of my baby weight came right off. It was that last 5-10 lbs...the belly weight that sat funny on my pants waistline.

So I tried to run. And I hated it. I wanted to quit. I told myself that it just wouldn't work. I told myself that every other runner that I passed was some marathon runner and was secretly laughing at me. Dan tried to encourage and motivate me...it only made me frustrated. I felt defeated, worthless.

How come Dan could just decide to do something and do it? Why did I struggle?

I started to examine my life. I prayed a lot. I realized that I am not disciplined, I am a victim, I don't struggle. I realized that my aversion to running was symptomatic of the state of my heart. I think I can do it all. If I don't think I can do it, then I don't do it. I don't struggle.

I don't recognize my own weakness which ultimately means I don't recognize God's strength. His greatness. When I try to live out of my own self, I deny myself my relationship God. If I never struggle I never get to experience how big and good and kind and sweet and gentle and loving and patient and powerful my Lord and Saviour is...

So I committed to run. I committed to struggle. I prayed that the Lord would help me recognize those lies that I told myself. I prayed that my time would be a sweet time of meditation and conversation with the Lord. I prayed that I would recognize the victories and not be defeated by the setbacks.  He has been gracious to answer these prayers. Running has become a sweet time for me. Time to be alone with my thoughts, with the Lord. (Alone time is a rarity for me.)

I love where the Lord has me in life. Every day is hard, but every day is sweet.

Thanks for listening...